Single Mother With Severe Fibromyalgia Seeks Grant Money For First Home
by Tyshawayah
Loving Life Together
I come from proud nomadic people and have loved the beauty all around us for 33 years. But in 2005 I became unable to work as a result of domestic violence. I was forced to move around the country on a two and a half year trip of terror. When I discovered I was pregnant I knew I had to go. So February 2007 I left with my newborn girl. I had no idea how I was supposed to take care of her by myself or even where I was going. I had some friends and an unstable aunt in Washington State. A domestic violence advocate helped me with a ticket from Massachusetts to Bellingham Washington. I went and signed up immediately for any help I could get. From May of 2005 until February 2007 I was in and out of emergency rooms. My neck was his biggest target sometimes strangling me unconscious. In the process he was setting the stage for the fibromyalgia to take hold. I couldn't even lift a coffee cup. I started receiving counseling and regular medical appointments. No one knew what was wrong with me and they started me on many medications. All this time I'm raising a newborn out of a hotel room that a community organization paid for and got a domestic violence advocate. I got a restraining order. A lot of the meds were bad for breastfeeding and I had to wait a while for real medications. In July of 2006 I applied for SSDI and SSI. In December 2007, my doctor came to me with tests and talked to me about a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. I am completely physically uncomfortable because of pain all the time. I received a favorable disability hearing in May of 2009. Social Security says you get according to what you pay in. Since I was so young when I had to stop working, I get very little income: $600 from SSDI and $94 from SS and $183 from the state, as well as food stamps. Well, my moving around my whole life has taken me through the mountains and to the oceans but I now need to think about a permanent place in this life for my three year old. I still have a restraining order and have divorce proceedings rolling. I am in constant pain, there is permanent damage to my spine, neck, pelvic bones, and my left arm still goes numb. I cannot pick up my daughter and daily life if not for her would be a constant nightmare of depression. My full diagnosis is major depressive disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, severe post-traumatic stress disorder and severe fibromyalgia. We have our routines, but my girl is getting school age and I need to be in a warm climate so I can have better mobility. We live in Iowa now where my mom can help me with my medical expenses and with my daughter. My doctor has informed me there is nothing more he can do beyond maintenance now, so I have decided after much research, that Florida is going to be the best place for us to settle down. I am working with a trusted realtor and have quirky needs for my therapy, like light gardening or doing my art, and living in a rural setting close to town. He knows all this and more so I trust his judgment. I have been turned down for assistance by USDA rural development in Florida because of my credit. Things like student loans aren't supposed to be there since I had them excused by disability. There are also things on there that aren't mine. They belong to my husband and the divorce will make him pay those back. But USDA would not listen to me and treated me terribly. I don't really have much debt but my income has been cut into a third of what I used to make when I was able to work. I cannot afford the loan payments necessary to purchase a home. This is my last gasp before I go under. I feel powerless and set up for failure. How am I supposed to keep a stable home for my girl? I guess that's it. Now you know some of my life. I want my child to be able to play outside and make friends. I want to make friends (kind of, I'm still terrorized nightly by my dreams and a once outgoing vibrant woman I am afraid of most everything and don't trust my judgment, still fear men). I want help please. It's very hard to do that. I told you I'm proud. So what now? Now I get ready for my day by taking a rainbow of meds, wait for my daughter to wake and try to give her a good day. We are all each other has. Thank you for listening.
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