38 Year Old Disabled Mom And Wife Needs Grant Money To Rebuild Life
by Mandy McCown
The day my life was finally complete!
I got into a car accident in May of 2007. It did not seem to be a bad accident; however I did have neck pain for a few months. Then I developed an awful pain in one shoulder so I had to go to an orthopedic doctor. There wasn't much he could do except show me exercises to do. The pain went away in about a month but then the other shoulder started to hurt and from there it spread to all over my body. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I also have major depression, acute anxiety disorder, arthritis, irritable bowel syndrome, severe acid reflux, narcolepsy, occasional episodes with kidney stones and migraines and i also had to have a pelvic sling put in for incontinence. In addition to all of this I have had three stroke-like episodes within a year's time. It is nearly impossible to manage and have a normal life. Did I mention I am only 38? I have not actually been labeled as disabled by a physician as of yet because I would like to wait till it is absolutely necessary, but I am. Due to my disabilities I am ready to lose everything. My health is getting worse because I am forced to work so we have money to eat but I don't know how much longer I can endure. Standing for hours on end causes extreme pain all over my body but sitting at a desk causes me to be tired. Typing and leaning over a computer keyboard for long periods of time causes pain in my arms and back. Because of my disabilities mixed with my medications, I have terrible concentration and memory. So almost any kind of work will be difficult in some way. I have to take 2-3 10-325 mg of Percocet a day just to be able to get by and because I do work, Social Services and Social Security will not help me. I can't get any reduced living housing or health coverage, even though I cannot work nearly as many hours as I used to, because of the pre-existing conditions clause with all insurance companies. My husband's new insurance plan will not cover me for a year so I will be out of my medications shortly. Without my depression medication I become suicidal and without my pain medication I can't move. Here's the ironic part though. When I do take all my medications they counteract each other. An example would be my Percocet causes constipation and fatigue so I take the laxative and my Dextroamphetamine to keep me awake but it causes my anxiety to be worse so I have to take my Xanex. Nice huh? My husband and I both have awful credit so we rent a 3-bedroom home for our four younger children from a slumlord so to speak. But we are even being forced to move from here to a 2-bedroom home because a 3-bedroom is just too expensive. I have been in a terrible custody battle with my ex-husband for full custody of our three children for a year and a half, where I owe the lawyer $6500. At the moment they live with their father more than 50% of the time so Social Services will not count them as part of our household, even though we need to have a proper home for them to live in and food for them to eat, so we get no help there. All of my medical diagnosis and symptoms point to multiple sclerosis except the MRI I had done showed no lesions. That still doesn't mean I don't have it though; however I cannot have any further testing done because I have no insurance due to my pre-existing conditions. It's funny; it seems like people who need help the most can never get the help they need until it's too late, if even then. I need to go somewhere like the Mayo Clinic to have all specialists in one place to try to figure out what is wrong with me before whatever it is kills me. My family needs me and I am fighting for them every day. If not for my husband and my children I might not even be here. My depression has gotten so severe that at times it takes on a life of its own. I can't even see my therapist anymore. Everyday is a constant struggle just to keep going. In addition to all of this my husband is ready to leave me because of my negative attitude and constant complaining about everything. I don't blame him. He is a very patient man and has had to put up with so much already. We have only been married a year and a half and already I have gotten 50% worse in my medical conditions, lost my main job and income with insurance causing extreme financial stress. Plus there's my grueling custody battle with an insanely angry ex-marine (now a prison guard) with a massive superiority complex. He thinks he can still control what I do and how I do it through intimidation, just as he did during our 12-year marriage. Because of all of this, my husband is no longer interested in me sexually or in showing me much affection. How can he feel what he used to when all he hears are negative things coming out of me? There were even a few times he woke up early and started making love to me and I fell asleep during it because of the Xyrem I take at night for my Narcolepsy to help me sleep. That was definitely a massive blow to his manhood I'm sure. I want sex more than him so my mind is always willing just not my body. It was very humiliating both for him and me. My husband has been through so much in his life just like me. He has had to give up so many jobs because he needed more money to live. He is now in a position he deserves as transportation manager but is looking at getting another job unless we can find a way to make things work because it does not pay what we so desperately need. He has been a truck driver for 26 years. He has earned the position he is in and can do it better than most because at one point he owned his own trucking company. I even told him if I were the reason he needed to leave I would let him go because I will not be the cause of him giving up a job he has worked so long and hard to get. Ironically enough all I have ever wanted to do is to help people. I used to think it was by being a therapist but life always got in the way of college. I became a B.R.I.D.G.E.S. teacher, which is merely consumers helping consumers with mental illness. I found I loved that but it doesn't pay the bills and there is no program where I live at the moment. I have attended many mental health conferences and done research. I know that if I could find time to write I could write several books helping others like me and speaking at conferences around the country empowering people with disabilities by showing them that if I could do it they could do it. My life has been a hard one from being sexually abused by a neighbor as a child, physically and mentally abused by a stepfather. I was forced to be a mom to my two younger sisters starting at age 1 and 2 and my brother only 1-½ years younger than me. When our house caught fire, it was my brother and I who got our sisters out. My mother and her husband ran outside. Then I was intimidated, belittled and eventually lived in fear in a 12-year marriage. The point is I have been through a lifetime of pain in one form or another and need to help people. It's not a matter of wanting to. I need too. It's what I am meant to do but how can I do that if I cannot help myself? In short, I need help with my medical bills and treatment, and for the custody battle, money to pay off my lawyer, who has stuck by me even though I have not been able to pay him much. (Bet you don't see that much… a lawyer with a heart!) I need a safe and affordable place to live where my whole family can have a place to sleep and we can still afford to put food on the table and clothes on our backs. I'd like to be able to stay home and write the books I know will help others and get the resources I need to be able to live a somewhat normal life. Please, will someone help me so I can help my family and others like me?
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